THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
