can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
