I can tuck mytits in my pants
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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