I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
