I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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