and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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