His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
