I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
