We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
