when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
