Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
