Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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