FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
