Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
