I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
