dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
