What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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