dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
