god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
