I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
