Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
