Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
