You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
