dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
