Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
