i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
