this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
