I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
