she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
