Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You've changed since you got that strap on
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
