You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
