I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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