so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love having hate sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
