Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
