so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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