My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
