her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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