So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
two words...techno handjob
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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