i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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