would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
