Don't make out with my wife yet
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
