when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
