Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
