It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
