bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
