I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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