I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
