hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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