He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
