Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
