WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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